Mythical creatures.

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So I was talking to a few friends a while ago and it dawned on me that mythical creatures are pretty much THE awesome. I mean, who doesn’t want to imagine having cool animals like them running around? I know I do. If you’re wondering what kinda post this one is gonna be, wonder NO LONGER! I (and Wikipedia.. I guess I should include him..) am about to give you a brief overview of the coolest mythical creatures, along with my own opinion about which ones are the most awesome.

Sit back, fasten your seatbelts, put on your felt dragon hat from 3rd grade Halloween that everyone refused to walk with you to trick-or-treat because that hat was so dang ugly, and get ready for an adventure!

1. The Griffin
This guy is pretty cool. The griffin normally has the body of a lion and the wings/head of an eagle. Since both the lion and the eagle were considered the king of their respective domains, this dude is pretty much the consummate nature king. What’s even cooler is sometimes he has the tail of a chimera (mythical way of saying ’serpent.’), so I mean hey- what can he possibly improve on? Not much.

Superpowers: Flight and super-strength come to mind. Also, if you look at him the wrong way and he sees you, he’ll stare back at you with magical eyes and stun you. This is where the term “stunna-shades” comes from. Cmon, you think rappers are that creative? Griffins all the way.

2. The Unicorn

Wow.

Ah, how can one talk about mythical creatures without mentioning the beloved unicorn? This beautiful horse specimen has been the dream of virtually every girl and (very very young) boy. (There is nothing wrong with liking unicorns.)

Unicorns are pretty much horses with a horn on it’s head. Supposedly it has healing powers in it, but from watching Harry Potter it did Voldemort no good so forgive me if I remain doubtful. What I DO see the horn used for are..

Superpowers: Lightning shoots out of its horn and stabs every evil person’s heart. Also, it helps find food and can telepathically communicate with girls and very young boys.

3. The Orc

Really, you ain't got no alibi.

Raaawr. This dude is one of the more hardcore mythical creatures in the universe. Built for strength, courage, and shear brutality, this dude is ready to pwn-it-up. However, for his gigantic strength powers, he makes up for it with a lack of magic resistance. So to kill him is pretty easy – just cast a few firebolts his way and he’ll get burned.

Superpowers: Being slimy/ugly/dirty, crushing trees, eating moss/insects/children.

4. The Faun

Yes, umbrellas do make you appear more manly. Wait.

Teehee! Just had to use this picture. Sorry Mr. Tumnus.

Fauns are little playful dudes in the forest that are half-goat, half-man. They do stuff like gallop around slowly (since they have only 2 hooves), eat berries, play the flute, pretty much a lot of femme, happy stuff.

Man it would suck to be these guys, because they barely have any powers. I mean Mr. Tumnus can play something on his flute to make you sleepy, but cmon that is so easy to overcome! All you gotta do is bring some tissue with you and stuff your ears. Problem is solved as you feast on goat drumsticks for dinner.

Superpowers: Being femme, playing flutes, carrying satchels, having zero body hair.

Finally, the last (and best) mythical creature evar:

5. The DRAGON

MOAR

The dragon is, hands down, the coolest mythical creature EVAR. I hope there are heaven-dragons, because those things would kick some major pwnage.

Okay so most of the powers I wrote down up there, I made up, but for the dragon I need no making-up. Dragons have nearly invincible skin of super scales, breathe fire that could incinerate even other fires, and fly really really really fast. Pretty much awesome.

I hope this has been an informative journey for you, and that you have come away understanding more about your friendly mythical buddies as well as understanding that I have nearly nothing due this week and so am this bored. Please still be my friend.

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