Office Terminology 101

yeaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I decided that it is quite interesting to look into corporate America and to see what their phrases and expressions really mean. There are things that people want you to believe they are saying, but the true definitions are a lot different than the interpretations made from the pretty-sounding words.

Disclaimer: I am not saying that I have or have not done any of these in any shape or form; this is merely an objective look at what I have experienced in my time.

Feel free to tell me some other phrases and words you’ve encountered and I’ll add them. I’ve split it into verbal and nonverbal communication – office terminology after the jump.

Verbal Communication

• “Work is slow.” I have done nothing productive the entire day.
• “I’ve been working on administrative tasks.” I have checked my email and maybe paid some bills online. Basically only crap that pertains to me.
• “I will be working from home today [no other explanation given].” I am too lazy to come into the office, will wear pajamas and log into my computer to give the appearance of being online. I will eat junk food and lie in bed all day.
• “The project is complete, but I would like to do some extra data validation and get back to you.” The stuff is pretty much done, but I don’t want to get a new assignment for a few days. I will leave my work applications open throughout the day, giving the appearance of said “validation”, with no actual progress being made.
• “Let’s take this conversation offline and continue on with the meeting.” You are an absolute fool and are wasting not only my time, but everyone else’s as well. I can ignore you directly if you try to contact me outside of the meeting.

Nonverbal communication

• ‘I am leaning back in my chair.’ I am either watching videos or reading a blog.
• ‘I am sitting forward in my chair and typing away furiously.’ I am either chatting or blogging.
• ‘I turn my head to you when you cross my cubicle.’ I am doing something I am not supposed to be doing, and are seeing if you have caught me.
• ‘I pass by your cubicle many times throughout the day.’ I have been drinking gallons of free drinks from the breakroom and must pee about once every 10 minutes as a direct result of the aforementioned gluttony.

Ok honestly I have only done maybe 20% of this list, so don’t think I am that bad of a worker. I get my stuff done when I need to, but why work hard at nothing? I don’t get it.